by I.M. Knott-Tawkin
In a press conference on Election Day, President Jake Windjammer of Glover College announced the newly formed Department of Political Pseudoscience, in the heart of our nation’s densest state. But pseudoscience is more a state of mind than a state, anyway, he pointed out.
“Glover has always prided itself on being a national leader in interdisciplinary education,” Windjammer said. “We are now adding ‘intergalactic’ to our tradition as well.”
The announcement followed well-publicized internal debates over whether the new department should be called Political Séance, Political Cybernetics or Political Pseudoscience. The latter won, in part because it best allays the fears of potential students that they need high scores in science to attend.
“At the same time we didn’t want to go the route of ‘Political Arts,’ making people think they had to be extremely creative to come to Glover,” added Vice President for Admissions Cherry Stidwalter. “In fact you don’t have to be very smart or creative or anything else to come here. You just have to sign up for Political Pseudoscience. We’ll take care of the rest.”
The rest includes a curriculum preparing students to take on the roles of political photographers, political bloggers, political candlemakers, political energy specialists and political wardrobe-color consultants – all careers expected to be in great demand, according to professor of pseudoscience, John St. George. St. George’s recruitment to Glover to head the new program is a coup, so to speak, added President Windjammer.
“Although his specialty is voodoo economics, Dr. St. George is well suited to take on other areas of pseudoscience,” Windjammer said. “Candlemaking, for example, involves designing scented candles in the shape of the candidate of choice to either ‘burn down’ or ‘warm the heart’ of voters,” he explained. “We are definitely nonpartisan at Glover.”
The English Department looks forward to a minor in political rhetoric and long-time faculty member Alicia Keystruber looks forward to designing a class around her magnum opus, The Complete Guide to Political Clichés and Logical Fallacies, which has recently been digitized through the help of a generous grant from Foundation for Public Vernacular. Keystruber said students will earn extra credit for writing poorly and using many clichés and fallacies, something they already love to do and which makes their work optimally accessible to the political sector.
“I believe in building on students’ strengths,” Keystruber said in an email. “And I am glad that my obscure research has finally found a home at Glover. It has only been a 40-year wait. I thank the optimism of my astrologer for keeping me going during the lean years.”
The Glover Fine Arts Department is eagerly involved in the interdisciplinary curriculum, planning courses for would-be photographers, cartoonists and voiceover artists, all of whom are eager to prepare to enter the “workforce of tomorrow, today” as assistant professor of doodling and cultural appropriation, Jane Worrow, put it.
“You don’t have to to be able to take a good picture—you can work to make other candidates look bad,” said Worrow. “Your cartoons can border on the offensive. And your voice doesn’t have to sound great, just resonant and sarcastic. Political pseudoscience raises politics to the rank of almost-art.”