Doctors have finally verified claims that the College of Madison performed the fastest soulectomy in higher education history. “We couldn’t believe the soulectomy could be completed in less than two days,” said Dr. Rachel O’Quinn. “But all evidence points to verification.” According to the medical records, Dr. Juliette Mecum arrived for her first day of […]
by Alice Hawthorne Freelance Writer Citing years of receiving apple-shaped gifts at Christmas and questions about his major at the dinner table, fifth-year residence hall director James Reinhart stated with confidence that this will be the year he can finally explain to his family what it is he does for a living. Speaking from his […]
In a hallowed annual tradition at tuition-driven Punxsutawney College, the elusive President Phil Peters stepped out of his office this morning to face a crowd of faculty and staff waiting for his prognostication regarding their salaries. “President Peters has been at PC for over 30 years and we’ve enjoyed confronting him each February to learn […]
You must be logged in to post a comment.