The residence life staff at Hickory Nut College popped champagne corks at the end of their first training day of the year, in celebration of President Obama’s new policy on overtime pay.
“There are so many weeks when I put in my regular nine-to-five and then have evening staff meetings, special events and on-call crises to deal with,” said residence hall director Malayla Wasson. “Now I’ll get paid for the hours I truly work. Thank you, President Obama!”
“I’m really happy for Malayla,” said former residence hall director George Bhoddi. “We knew that in the hall director lottery only 50 percent of us would be able to keep our jobs in order for the college to afford the new plan. I was not one of the lucky half but this feels fair. Everyone employed will have their work/life balance honored.”
“It will be an adjustment doubling our on-call load and programming duties, but cha-ching!” said graduate student and assistant hall director Milo Radcliffe. “I’ve been practicing a time management routine this summer that will be very closely mimic the schedule I’ll have when school starts. So far, I’ve only been hospitalized twice for mental exhaustion.”
“Milo truly understands the intrinsic value of his job,” said director of residence life Claude Atchison, who made the decision to fire half his staff and replace them with twice as many graduate assistants and half the amount of training. “His résumé will be packed incidents that no one with his training level should be dealing with. Our staff will walk away with so many good stories they’ll be the stars of next year’s placement conference.”
“In the name of social justice, this is a huge victory,” said Bhoddi, who received his first unemployment check this week. “I’m proud to be living in an age when everyone has the interests of students and their staffs at heart. Maybe next week I’ll be one of those staff, too.”