Scientists Discover Correlation Between Not Reading Journals and Operating with Best Practices

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“Researchers don’t pay enough attention to self-reports,” said Provost Obervine.

Researchers at the Pedagogy First Foundation have uncovered a phenomenon that countered every one of their hypotheses about academic excellence. According to experiments conducted over the past ten years, their groundbreaking work on best practices will be published in the Journal of Higher Excellence next month.

“We have always assumed that educators who maintain up-to-date knowledge about effective academic practices would report having better practices than those who don’t,” said lead researcher Douglas Bahlm. “In fact, many of our past research methodologies presumed that master learners were more likely to be master practitioners.”

“Five years ago, we stumbled on a university that, in an effort to cut costs, had banned all journals and books related to practitioners’ areas of work,” said statistics analyst Meghaen Portnoy. “As a favor to a friend at that school, we ran a little study pro-bono in hopes of showing that the work of those educators had declined. Boy were we surprised.”

“That school’s staff actually indicated that they were doing even better work compared to their peers at other institutions,” said Bahlm. “We assumed this was an anomaly so we replicated the study at several other campuses that had discontinued intellectual development.”

“Every single school that had abandoned keeping up with best practices self-reported that their practices were the best,” said Portnoy. “Whether the school had terminated their learning for budget reasons or because their staffs just weren’t the ‘reading type,’ without exception, those schools knew they were better than all others.”

“This comes as no surprise to us,” said Provost Clarence Obervine of Hickory Nut College. “We’ve done everything ‘they’ tell you not to do – underpaying staff, failing to keep up with academic technology, letting our curricula get outdated – but as long as we don’t go back to wasting our money on trying to keep up with other institutions, we are confident that we are still the best.”