Randy Mortified that World Peace Professor Is So Stupid. “He Doesn’t Even Understand PHP!”

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peace studiesSusquehanna Institute of Technology freshman Randy Wallach called home in tears Friday to ask his parents for advice about transferring to a different university.

“The faculty is incredibly incompetent,” said Wallach. “My computer science classes are fine, but they force us to take these annoying courses that have nothing to do with our majors.”

According to Wallach, his Professor of World Peace James Reynolds has forced the class to read about issues like ethics and culture.

“It’s so worthless. I got excited when he assigned an article about how people are using technology to connect for social and political change,” said Wallach. “As it turns out, when I asked him about the PHP programming in Twitter he obviously didn’t know what I was talking about. How is he qualified to talk about social media!”

Professor Reynolds is known as one of the top nonviolence scholars in the world. He recently returned from a whirlwind trip to the Middle East, where he helped negotiate a peaceful resolution to a conflict most scholars predicted could only end with bloodshed.

“It was amazing to be able to talk to my classes about the ways they could change the world,” said Reynolds. “Many of the diplomats involved at the ground level of the conflict were the same age as my students.”

“Yeah, he tried to get us excited about ways we could promote world peace even at our age,” said Wallach. “What an idiot! He doesn’t understand that I have a five-page paper due for IT Networking 102 and a programming project due in Python 201. Someone needs to teach this guy what higher education is really like.”