Holly Runs Out of Psych Classes to Take for Free Therapy

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Second-semester Poplar College junior Holly Marston announced to her academic advisor Friday that she is considering a lawsuit against Poplar for breach of contract.

“I chose Poplar when I was a senior in high school because they boasted about the high quality of counseling services on campus,” said Mars

"Once a week at the counseling center just isn't enough to meet my therapy needs," said Marston.
“Once a week at the counseling center just isn’t enough to meet my therapy needs,” said Marston.

ton. “I have a lot of issues to sort out and I already thought I was making a sacrifice by submitting to the Counseling Center’s policy of one appointment per week.”

“We spoke to Holly at length at Poplar’s tour day and again at the Accepted Student Weekend, and we could tell she was concerned that we did not offer as-needed appointments,” said the campus’s therapy coordinator Danna Loffler. “She hijacked our table at both events, holding up the line to the point that we thought we might have to call campus security, but then her attention was drawn to the Department of Social Sciences and she went on her way. We haven’t heard any complaints since she enrolled three years ago.”

“I am a natural problem solver,” said Marston. “When I saw the Department of Psychology, I immediately signed up for a minor and later switched the minor to a major so I could take courses each semester to supplement the therapy I was getting at the Counseling Center.”

“Holly took everything from Abnormal Psychoses 205 to Advanced Sociopathy 450, which is considered a graduate-level course,” said academic advisor Rollie Fillmore. “Her professors indicated that her reliability for turning in assignments was very poor, but her marks for active participation were off the chart.”

“For every theory of development, Holly had some horrific tale of how she had experienced a related trauma,” said Professor Fred Bates. “She milked those theories for every bit of free therapy she could get.”

“This semester I went to sign up for my regular course load and discovered that I’d already taken every class in the psychology catalog,” said Marston. “The Counseling Center is sticking to their limit of one appointment per week but that’s just not adequate for my needs. They’ve offered to help me find an off-campus practitioner, but I just don’t have time for that nonsense.”

There is still a chance Marston and the college can find resolution.

“I’ve offered Holly the opportunity to do an independent study with me,” said Bates. “I was a lot like Holly when I was a student and I’d love to help her out. I’ve also been picking up a vibe from my colleagues that they’re getting frustrated by the personal stories I tell at staff meetings and I could really use somebody to talk to.”