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Campus Grants Complimentary Journalism Degree to Every Graduate Who Yik Yaks

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Three Icarus graduates practice their journalism skills.
Three Icarus graduates practice their journalism skills.

Employers who hire members of the this year’s graduating class from Icarus College will have the added benefit of a master communicator in their midst, says a press release from Icarus’s Office of the Registrar.

“We have been busy adding a complimentary B.A. in journalism to every student who walks across the stage, takes a selfie and Instagrams their achievement for the world,” said Professor of New Media Ozzie Moran, who lobbied hard for the degree conferral. “These days, everyone with a camera and a keyboard is a journalist, capturing the social and political realities of our nation.”

“It’s about time we were recognized for our contributions to journalism,” said graduating engineering student Douglas Bond. “I started a social movement myself when I used Yik Yak to show one of my friends puking on jungle juice at March Fest a few weeks ago. As a result, at least thirty people came to catch a glimpse. I was afraid I’d never get the recognition I deserved for the post since Yik Yak is anonymous, but I underestimated the visionary leaders of Icarus College.”

“You know how people used Twitter during the revolution in Egypt a few years ago?” said dual- (now triple-) degree recipient Frannie Michaels. “I did something similar when I took a picture of the crap they serve in the dining hall and SnapChatted it to all of my friends. At least six people told me they stayed home and ate Ramen that day. I may have saved someone from getting really sick.”

“These types of communications are the modern equivalent of the Underground Railroad,” said Moran, whose fall course Twitter for the Common Good was the fastest filled class during open course registration at Icarus. “Real people are helping real people, it’s just a different medium. Frannie could be the next Harriet Tubman.”

“I’m excited to know I’ve hired students who will not only be great computer scientists but also terrific communicators,” said employer David Raskins, who hired three Icarus graduates for his company. “I scrolled through their Facebook pages to see if I could find any examples of their extraordinary work but so far I could only find pictures from spring break shenanigans and tattoo parlors. I’m sure I just didn’t look long enough.”

“No, that is my personal brand,” said computer science graduate Haylee Calkins. “I documented the authentic culture of a college co-ed. Admittedly those weren’t my best shots, but I was pretty hammered. I’m about to post some images from last night’s Senior Week Pub Crawl that could legit win a Pulitzer.”