With a giant sigh of relief, orientation administrators from Central Oregon State announced the triumphant end to a four-year assessment project that resulted in a university all-time-best 34 percent approval rating for this year’s Orientation Assistant staff shirt.
“We’ve checked with other local institutions and feel confident that we have now entered the realm of ‘benchmark’ school,” said Director of New Student Programs Mario Laguzzi. “None of them even came close to our 34 percent figure.”
“We chalk this up the ceaseless assessment efforts of our staff, who gathered quantitative and qualitative data, national best practices and also kept a careful eye on trends in generic uniform catalogs,” said Assistant Director of First-Year Marketing Brianna Schuebert. “We’ve already begun to get calls from our competitor schools asking us for our secrets.”
“I like the green polo okay,” said Meeghan Flowers, who has been an orientation assistant for two years. “Apparently, the staff learned that green is 2.7 percent more likely to be liked than any of the other shirts in this year’s catelog. It flatters more skin tones or something, which makes us live up to our OA commitment to diversity.”
“I’ve never been an OA before, but I heard that it’s a tradition to complain about whatever shirt is chosen,” said Drew Charlestein. “I gave the shirt a four on the Likert scale they gave us at check-in. It’s okay.”
“We’ve already started filling out a program proposal for next year’s NODA conference so other college orientation professionals can learn from us,” said Laguzzi. “It’s important to let the world know how humbled we are by this crowning achievement so everyone can strive to be like us.”