by Irma Voigt Senior Staff Writer Students at Bokhart College in Maine are refusing to leave their residence halls for the school’s spring break. Director of Residence Life Lisa Griffiths said that residence staff was taken by surprise when they entered rooms to do closing inspections on Saturday afternoon. “We thought the first few rooms [...]

by Tweed Walters and Leah Wescott He may be college football’s most controversial coach. He follows his heart, plays with passion and has a smokin’ hot wife. Who better to play Cupid this holiday weekend? We bring you… Lane Kiffin’s 5 Tips for a Fantastic Valentine’s Day 1) Pick a sweetheart for Valentine’s Day. Say [...]

by Irma Voigt Staff Reporter There is life after coaching a Division I football team, at least for outgoing University of Notre Dame football coach Charlie Weis. “We’re pleased to announce that Charlie Weis is the new face of Jenny Craig,” spokeswoman Cindy Lombard said. Jenny Craig is a diet and nutrition program with franchises [...]

Mascots from Clemson University and Louisiana State have received a record number of website hits this week, boosting their Tiger-ific holiday spirit. “It’s been grrrreat to be so popular this week,” said LSU’s Mike the Tiger. “People have been Googling me for days now. They even want to know about my personal life – not [...]

Quinn “Q-Bee” Benton, quarterback of the Arkansas Liberal Arts Acorns, forgot that he was actually a nobody this week when he wasn’t moved to the front of the seating line at Waffle House. “It was French Toast Friday, so we had a large crowd that night,” said Waffle House manager Roscoe Prodkin. “All of the [...]

For seven consecutive days, the earth has inexplicably continued to spin, even after Northeastern University‘s announcement last Monday, November 23, that NU would terminate its football program. “According to modern astral-football theories, the world should have come to an end Tuesday morning,” said exhausted sports physicist Marcus Colton. “Our best hypothesis is that it has [...]

Joe “Old Flint” Cousins, head coach of the Charleston State Univerity men’s football team was spied recently working as a cashier at a Home Depot about seven miles from his home campus. “I feel so sorry for him,” said math professor Paulina Gorzki, who bought a set of screwdrivers from Coach Cousins. “Most football coaches [...]

In the days following the anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attack on the World Trade Center, many New Yorkers still expressed a feeling of emptiness that could not be filled. Until now. The Big East commission has announced that a deal with Yankee Stadium to host a football booby prize championship is almost complete. The [...]

As predicted, Indiana University’s decision to induct Bobby Knight into its athletic hall of fame has brought mixed reactions and accusations of hypocrisy. IU has responded with an innovative creation: The H2Onor Code. “The H2Onor Code is a watered down version of our current code of conduct,” explained IU spokesman Chester Gorney. “We use bold [...]

Riding on the momentum of its announcement that it might ban Twittering from the stands at its athletic events, the Southeastern Conference is now brainstorming other ways to make sure home viewers tune in to the televised games. “If we can control leaked Tweets, perhaps we can take things to the next level and ban [...]