Professor Emeritus of Life LessonsWilliam C. Jefferson School of DiplomacyDubois University, Arkansas Opening for Fall 2010 Description Will teach the theory and philosophy of successful rebounds from epic failures. Modeled after Elliot Spitzer’s position at City College of New York and the recent Washington & Lee speaking engagement conducted by humiliated New York Times ex-journalist [...]

Available Immediately Henry Clay University Consultant sought to fire our Dean of Enrollment, Margaret. Consultant must provide a site visit under the guise of writing a comprehensive report to inform the University’s admissions processes. In the end, the successful candidate will submit a report that includes a list of national best practices, advice about the [...]

Available Immediately, Several Vacancies Pattensen College, Missouri Description Supervisory-level positions in several departments require new personnel. Would oversee five to thirteen staff members who require constant affirmation and ego stroking. Requirements Must be friendly, patient and able to turn a blind eye to staff performance deficits. Supervisory experience optional. Ability to hold staff accountable for [...]

From MIT to Cal Tech, nerds seeking interviews with top tech firms have shown up wearing the same ill-fitting business attire. Finally, staff members from career placement offices have engaged with social scientists to try better define the problem. “Every year, at our pre-interview workshops, we tell students to dress professionally, but we see the [...]

Immediate Opening Francis Bacon University Description Seeking clearly dysfunctional professional to challenge our administrative executives. Examples of dysfunctions could include verbal abusiveness, egregious incompetence or predilection for explosive temper tantrums. Qualifications Successful candidate will be married to beloved campus professional who might resign if spouse is held accountable for terrible behavior. Perks Consistently poor enough [...]

Whether you use ACPA, the Placement Exchange or HigherEdJobs.com, we want to hear your craziest, funniest tales from this year’s job searches. Register at Twitter and @CronkNews with your Tweeted interview (or lack of) journal. We’ll post stories HERE. Employers, we’re talking to you, too! Worried about anonymity? Email your stories and your preferred alias [...]

Immediate Opening Winchester Tech, Vermont Description Winchester Tech, a gorgeous 4-year coeducational university, seeks a Token Search Committee Member in order to represent the rich diversity we value on our campus. The successful Token will provide relief for our stretched-too-thin staff members of color who have started whispering about feeling used for their minority status. [...]

Immediate Opening Indianaville University, IN Description In an effort to reduce our personnel budget expenditures, Indianaville University seeks to hire several robot professors. This is an accelerated tenure-track position at a student-centered, teaching-centered institution. Will carry double the full-time course load in field of expertise. Requirements Terminal degree required. Teaching experience and passion optional. Must [...]

Multiple Immediate Openings Metropolitan University, NY Needed: Several credentialed wellness instructors to teach numerous sections of University’s mandated “Happiness Through Nutrition and Fitness” course. Requirements Must have advanced degree in Physical Science, Nutrition or a related field. Must be visibly overweight and comfortable using scripted PowerPoint presentations about the countless rewards of eating well and [...]

Multiple Immediate Openings Metropolitan University, NY Needed Several credentialed wellness instructors to teach numerous sections of University’s mandated “Happiness Through Nutrition and Fitness” course. Requirements Must have advanced degree in Physical Science, Nutrition or a related field. Must be disgustingly fit, but still hyper-worried about body image. Preference will be given to candidates who practice [...]