The Cronk of Higher Education

Free to a good home! Dear Campus Community, We have 500 leftover “Support Sustainability” shirts of varying sizes left over from last night’s Ecology Gala. Come on over to the Goodall Center to grab a shirt and get a free plate of leftover food. Please don’t tell any of the local homeless community like you […]

Applied mathematics professor Angus Marvin could not have been more excited than the day he read the campus email offering Koy College faculty and staff the opportunity to volunteer in the Campus Community Garden. “I love being outdoors and working with plants but with the type of research I conduct, I have to be on […]

Flat Mountain College’s Department of Student Services announced Monday that it had identified a successful candidate to be the new assistant director of social marketing. “Wilda Monk, formerly the interim assistant director of social marketing, enthusiastically accepted our offer and will begin immediately,” said search committee chair Jennifer Quincy. “We did a thorough national search […]

Students in Professor Abner Jones’s Chemistry 300: Properties of Noble Bonds erupted in applause Wednesday when Jones set up his laptop and announced, “Oops. I have to run back to my office for a second.” Unbeknownst to Jones, he hit a new milestone for the School of Natural Sciences by forgetting his dongle for a […]

Wisteria College invited students and faculty to a combination bonfire/book burning at the behest of campus psychiatrist Wilson Gramercy. Books, videos and other media by and about famed mythologist and professor of comparative religion Joseph Campbell were collected and shredded into mulch for the Wisteria College Peace Garden. “Dr. Campbell was a revered scholar for […]

Faculty at Phillip Seymour University celebrated Thursday when their academic governance council passed legislation to support the creation of a Department of Unpopular Tasks. “Each year, more and more busywork and nonsense is added to our plates, taking away from our focus on students,” said physics researcher Malcolm Dobbs. “Just last week I had to […]

“I don’t understand why I’m here,” said Vice President of Student Engagement Connie Tilden at her first couples counseling session with her significant other Assessment Data. “I love Data!” Tilden agreed to attend therapy only after Data threatened to end their relationship. “Connie tells me all the time that she loves me, and I admit […]

Jarquilla Pronders stunned her graduate school classmates at The Placement Exchange higher education job fair this week when she correctly identified three facts about the schools she had just interviewed with. “At first we were debriefing her interviews and I was sure she was cheating when she described the schools,” said second-year grad Michael Glaston, […]

Job Title: Expert in Everyone’s Job But Your Own Available immediately. Responsibilities: The successful candidate for the new position Expert in Everyone’s Job But Their Own will specialize in providing detailed opinions and excessive critique about everyone else at the college who has a job. Requirements: Must be able to Spend countless hours in the […]

Six members of the Atlas College fraternity Pi Lambda Rho were arrested last night for pledging activities that resulted in the hospitalization of fifteen pledges, one of whom is not expected to live. Known as the Hazing Half Dozen, the six students have a team of lawyers, parents, and parents who happen to be lawyers, […]