Alumni from Flanders University made a special nostalgia tour upon their return to campus for their 20th class reunion. More than 40 former students visited Magnifica Hall to pay tribute to the penis-shaped carpet stain in the fourth floor study lounge. “I remember when Curtis spilled his rum & Coke on the floor of the [...]

The Department of Judicial Conduct at Adams & Lee University has invested in vending machines for its student union where students can conveniently buy justice. “We’re a prestigious college,” said André Kerr, director of judicial conduct. “Forcing students to go out of their way to hire lawyers or get their parents involved in negotiating student [...]

Transcript from sophomore Chip Park’s recent conduct hearing Hearing Officer: Chip, we’ve had reports from at least twenty-five residents and staff members in your residence hall, saying you’ve done things to humiliate them. Chip: I’m not perfect, that’s true. I have a lot to think about and work out with my floor. Is it okay [...]

In a stunning move, Lime County College, CA voted to abandon a 125-year tradition of tenure in order to implement a new system that involves granting professors a stack of Get-Out-of-Jail-Free cards. “We found traditional tenure practices tiresome,” said faculty chair Moses Stanley. “If I have to read another thick stack of portfolio materials, I [...]

Taxpayers from 36 states have formed a lobbying group called the National Witchdog Group to pressure legislators and President Obama to restrict the funding of obviously-ridiculous university research. Group representative Amy Rohrbach who describes herself as “just an average citizen of Kansas” says she is tired of seeing her tax money go to colleges performing [...]