by Jeffrey Ross, Meetings Expert, with special thanks to Robert Frost, Poet Some say the college will end in meetings, Some say in overeating. From what I’ve learned from teaching I hold with those who fear old crockpots. But if we had to assess twice, I think I know enough of learning To say that [...]

by Jeffrey Ross Freelance Accreditation and Potluck Expert A spokesman for the Highbrow Learn-ed Commission revealed in a report published by the Chronicle of Post Secondary Ed last week that Food, especially non-curricular or nutrient-specific culinary preparations, would become a Distinctive Criterion subject to increased scrutiny on all community college accreditation applications. Effective Boxing Day, [...]

After a tragic assessment accident at the University of West Kansas last year the assessment-mania culture of higher education has been scrutinized by experts with no background at all in assessment. “We needed a fresh set of eyes,” said Three Rivers University Vice President of Student Affairs Julia Wang. “I immediately appointed our head football [...]

Diana Senechal Buchanan, Virginia—When Lewis Blankford entered Outcomes College two years ago, he thought he’d be an English major. “It still existed,” he told reporters. “Little did I know it was in its last hurrah. Without the hurrah, that is.” The college eliminated the department, then the courses, and finally the books, all within Blankford’s [...]

by Diana Senechal Freelance Writer Binghamton, New York—At Novum Organum College’s annual faculty meeting, President Murphy Murgatroyd announced that 100 percent of the college’s materials and teaching methods would be research-based by 2014. “This means everything you do must be backed by science,” said Murgatroyd. “We won’t use a seminar format, for instance, just because [...]

Windy Hills University celebrated the grand opening of the George Kuh Student Center this week, but visitors touring the building noted a startling design decision. There is a complete absence of restrooms. Director of Student Development Jerry Charra defended the decision and praised his staff for the controversial choice. “When we met with architects to [...]

Sophomore Ming Chang was found dead Thursday in the women’s restroom of the liberal arts building at the University of West Kansas. Officials have ruled that Chang was assessed to death. Criminal charges are pending. Chang was found with a pencil in her hand and her Diesel jeans around her ankles. Sources say she was [...]

by Anselmo Watkins Freelance Writer The widely anticipated release of the Data-Based Assessment of Research-Doctorate Programs by the National Research Council on September 28 has raised the dander of higher education administrators across the country, with one going so far as to threaten to “kick the ass” of committee members should he ever meet any [...]

by Irma Pelt Senior Staff Writer Several student organizations at Bottega College went all out to combine efforts this week to raise money for ongoing relief efforts in the wake of January’s earthquake in Haiti. Representatives from Education Without Borders, Students Offering Support, and Canadians at Bottega came together to plan the fundraiser. Pooling their [...]