The Cronk of Higher Education
  • Home
  • About
    • Mission
    • Staff
    • In the News
  • Publishing Guidelines
    • Writing Resources for Fake Journalists
  • Archives
  • Merchandise
  • Hire Us
    • Hire Leah
    • Hire Irma
    • Hire Brody
  • It’s a Book!
  • CronkNews Book Challenge
    • Level 1 – High School Diploma
    • Level 2 – The Associate’s Degree
    • Level 3 – The Bachelor’s Degree
    • Level 4 – The Master’s Degree
    • Level 5 – The Cronktorate
    • Level 6 – Tenure Track
  • Press Resources
  • Subscribe
  • National Satire Month
  • We’re Hiring!

Elite College Offers Internship Credit for Cocain Dealing Students

Posted on Monday, April 15th 2013
Tags: campus, consequences, crime, discipline, drugs, educational, felony, law, legal, punishment, sanctions
Elite College Offers Internship Credit for Cocain Dealing Students
Officials at Luminity College have announced a pilot solution to the age-old dilemma of dealing with serious drug use on expensive college campuses. “After Operation Ivy League at Columbia, we had to come up with a plan other than just hoping our students wouldn’t get caught,” said Chancellor Drake Caesar, referencing the prosecution of five [...]

Podcast: How to Prepare for Your College News April 1 Edition

Posted on Friday, March 15th 2013
Tags: acpress, april, campus, fool, freedom, News, newspaper, press, satire
Podcast: How to Prepare for Your College News April 1 Edition
College newspapers are the funniest places on earth on March 31st. Fast forward 24 hours and many are in the dog house for their inappropriate, unfunny April Fool’s Day issues. Campuses yank the issues from the stands, editors resign in shame and a few unlucky papers see their names hit national news for the worst [...]

Free Podcast: How to Prepare Your School Newspaper for April Fool’s Day

Posted on Monday, March 11th 2013
Tags: advisor, april fool, campus, college, distorter, edgy, journalism, newspaper, satire
Free Podcast: How to Prepare Your School Newspaper for April Fool’s Day
College newspapers are the funniest places on earth on March 31st. Fast forward 24 hours and many are in the dog house for their inappropriate, unfunny April Fool’s Day issues. Campuses yank the issues from the stands, editors resign in shame and a few unlucky papers see their names hit national news for the worst [...]

College Presidents Kick Off Black History Month with Inspiring “Some of My Best Friends Are Black” Speeches

Posted on Tuesday, February 1st 2011
Tags: black history month, campus, college, diversity, events, lip service, multicultural, racism, speech
College Presidents Kick Off Black History Month with Inspiring “Some of My Best Friends Are Black” Speeches
Campus Black History Month programs have begun, and white college presidents are passionately supporting the diversity celebrations through the age-old art of story telling. Inspiring excerpts include: “…When I was in college, I played varsity squash and there were two black guys on my team. We sometimes rode the bus together, and it taught me [...]

TSA Implements Full-Body Scans on College Shuttles

Posted on Monday, November 29th 2010
Tags: airport, campus, full body, scanner, shuttle, tsa
TSA Implements Full-Body Scans on College Shuttles
by David Anthony Freelance Writer In bold move, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) introduced full-body scanners and comprehensive pat-downs as part of campus shuttle services across colleges and universities nationwide. An anonymous TSA source indicated said “We felt that waiting for travelers to get to class was time wasted. We could be infringing on their [...]

Creepy JoePa Statue Charged with Three Accounts of Alleged Stalking

Posted on Monday, September 27th 2010
Tags: alcohol, campus, partying, safety, security
Creepy JoePa Statue Charged with Three Accounts of Alleged Stalking
By Brody K. Truce Senior Staff Writer For nearly ten years, a bronze statue of Joe Paterno has graced the entrance to Penn State University’s Beaver Stadium. The statue has received considerable attention since it was erected, including a scandal involving the theft of the statue’s signature glasses last year. But this year, the statue [...]

University Promotes Drinking as the New “It” Thing

Posted on Friday, July 16th 2010
Tags: admissions, alcohol, amythyst initiative, beer, campus, ethics, princeton review, promotion
University Promotes Drinking as the New “It” Thing
by Anselmo Watkins Freelance Writer A California university is attempting to counter its reputation with students as “boring” and “no fun” by encouraging beer drinking by students on campus. Whitson State University’s president is the newest member of the Amethyst Intitiative, a group of college CEOs lobbying to lower the drinking age. Whitson State’s new [...]

“Top Five” Really Means the Bottom at Idol-Inspired Devlin U.

Posted on Tuesday, May 18th 2010
Tags: budget cuts, campus, crisis, economic, fiscal, strategy
“Top Five” Really Means the Bottom at Idol-Inspired Devlin U.
by Erica Price Freelance Writer Faculty and administrators at Devlin University are waiting with bated breath for the announcement of results from a rather unique budget reduction exercise after the university fell short on enrollment for the fourth consecutive year. “Things are getting desperate. We’re just out of ideas on how to cut any more [...]

University Responds to Cry for More Parking by Destroying Academic Buildings

Posted on Wednesday, May 12th 2010
Tags: budget, campus, garage, mission, parking, priority, satisfaction
University Responds to Cry for More Parking by Destroying Academic Buildings
by Irma Pelt Senior Staff Writer After a satisfaction survey issued to faculty, staff and students at Van Grove University showed an alarming rate of disappointment with available parking, administrators made a commitment to create more spaces throughout university-owned property. “We heard the call,” said Douglas Bates, Director of Public Safety and Transportation Services. “This [...]

Arizona Legislation Ruins Cinco de Mayo Parties

Posted on Monday, May 3rd 2010
Tags: activism, arizona, campus, cinco de mayo, college, protests, university
Arizona Legislation Ruins Cinco de Mayo Parties
by Brody Truce Senior Staff Writer Last week, Arizona Governor Jan Brewer signed legislation that will allow law enforcement officers in her state to detain people suspected of being in the country illegally. While controversy erupts nationally over issues of civil rights, harassment and racial profiling, college students in Arizona are asking one important question: [...]
Older Entries «

Get Your CronkNews Book!

Order your copy of Required Reading: The Very Best of CronkNews.com!

Available now on Amazon.

Celebrate Satire & Education

Show us your love

If you'd like to make a donation to keep us stocked in office supplies and creativity, we'd be ever so grateful.

Social Links

Facebook  Twitter  RSS

Fridays Are Satire Days Podcast

Garb

For the fashion-conscious college professional on laundry day.

Power of the Pen

It's more than a pen. It might just save your soul.

CronkNews Goes Multimedia

Listen to internet radio with CronkNews on Blog Talk Radio

Recent Posts

  • College Denies Allegations of Teaching
  • Students of Today Demand More Relevant Commencement Awards
  • Join the CronkNews Summer Book Club!
  • As Value of B.A. Declines, Some Males Ask “Is 6th Grade Really Worth It?”
  • Poetry: When I do Count the Costs of My Degree

Tags

academic acpa admissions assessment best practices budget campus chronicle college college humor conduct conference cronk cronknews diversity dorm ethics expectations faculty football highered higher ed higher education interview job millennial naspa NCAA News orientation parents policy political correctness privilege professors rules satire staff student tenure tpe training twitter university wellness

Favorite Links

  • The Chronicle of Higher Education
  • The Onion
Copyright © 2013 The Cronk of Higher Education All Rights Reserved.