Authorities at Hilton College found gorgeous eco-psychology major Grant Jessom crying in the closet of his dorm room after his roommate reported Jessom’s disturbing behavior. “Last night, a talent agent came to my show at Grubby’s Bar, and he told me I wasn’t very good,” Jessom told the campus security officers. “It just didn’t make [...]

Hey, fashion-forward freshmen! Say goodbye to the Everest expedition look. The hottest style on college campuses this fall is backpacks carried on one shoulder. In a throwback to the early 2000s, students are carrying their backpacks on either the left or right shoulder. “It’s vintage chic that honors both the early 2000s canvas one-shoulder approach [...]

The nation saw a recent decrease in H1N1-related school closings, but health care workers on college campuses fear a more problematic epidemic that has no cure. “Cases of chronic whining have increased over 430% in just the past four months,” said an exhausted campus health center director. “We thought we had seen the last of [...]

Mick “Corkey” McCorkell officially flunked out of Southwood University in Utah this week, having missed six consecutive weeks of classes. “I was giving away tickets to the women’s volleyball spike-off,” said Corkey. “I didn’t want to leave my post and let down my fans.”

Submitted by Brody Truce, Staff Writer Spring Opening Penbrooke State University, VA Description The Penbrooke State University Office of Public Safety is currently seeking highly qualified law enforcement professionals—or dudes who like to ride bikes—for an exciting new career in campus safety. Requirements Ability to pedal required. Actual law enforcement experience optional. Clean criminal background [...]