by Dash Phillips Freelance Writer A press release today from Whetstone College announced the appointment of Judge Judith Scheindlin as the College’s new Director of Judicial Affairs. “We did a national search and no one’s credentials compared to Judge Judy’s,” said Dr. Fluorine Gordonson, Vice President for Student Life, Affairs, and Services to the press [...]

Technology experts at the Galveston Institute of Technology (GIT) have made significant advances in the search for empirical proof of true love. In collaboration with GIT’s department of interpersonal psychology, the following data will be published soon in Emotiscience Monthly. According to Dr. Guillermo Ovechkin, “While we haven’t found evidence of true love, we have [...]

by Anselmo Watkins Freelance Writer Mitchell Kluge the newly hired manager of Web Communications Group at Wisconsin’s Beisall University is proving that sharp ideas, rather than traditional expertise, are the key to success in his new position. “It is a great team, and they did some really good work before I got here,” Kluge said, [...]

by Irma Pelt Senior Staff Writer A class action lawsuit filed in Wisconsin by the freshman class at Poltzer State College alleges that incoming students were intentionally misled by the university during an overnight orientation program in June. Orientation, of which there are sixteen sessions, is a flagship opportunity for the university to connect with [...]

by Sasha Tremento Freelance Writer Based on data gathered in Facebook’s new privacy-free intellectual environment, CronkNews has identified the most popular tomes in college bookstores. Butt-Kickin’ Extremonomics, by Bob Clemens and Bob Jennings. Sequel to Extremonomics. Once again, the controversial University of Illinois economist and his journalist coauthor illuminate how the dismal science is not [...]

by Sasha Tremento Freelance Writer The Reverend Lowry Jenkins, president of Shepherd’s Field College in Pallamie, Alabama, is also director of the Creationism Alliance, which for a decade has pressed for Creationism to be presented along with evolution in K-12 and college science curricula as a viable and respected theory. Yesterday, however, at a specially [...]

by Brody Truce Senior Staff Writer For the past ten years, resident assistants at Carter College returned to campus two weeks before their peers to participate in RA Training under the direction of James Wallace, Director of Housing. “It was awesome!” explained former RA Katrina Banks. “We played name games and did team builders for [...]

The American College Admissions Brochure Producers won the prestigious International Multicultural Peace Prize yesterday for promoting an idealistic vision of university life in the United States. “It’s amazing to be recognized for something we often do without thought,” said Sara Griere, marketing director for Thousand Islands University. “But when we say to photographers ‘Get us [...]

by Sasha Tremento Freelance Writer Based on data gathered in Facebook’s new privacy-free intellectual environment, CronkNews has identified the most popular tomes in college bookstores this week. The Girl Who Played Solitaire in Her Cubicle, by Niels Blixssenn. The latest installment in the thrilling Millennial Quartet by the famed Norwegian software programmer. Gorgon Ass-Whoopin’: Percy [...]

In what was first thought a tragic mauling incident in the College of Ignatius zoology labs, investigators are now seriously considering the possibility of a rare case of egogurgitation. “It appears that Professor H. Glenn Marks was engulfed by a student’s enormous ego,” said Crooks County forensic examiner Bucky Chalk. “The last person who saw [...]