by Irma Voigt Staff Writer Seven student leaders were arrested Saturday night after a brawl in uptown Maumee, Ohio over competing philanthropic events for earthquake relief in both Haiti and Chile. “We were at Founders’ Gate. We even reserved it through the Union scheduling lady,” said Ashley Orza, president of the Community Activists Club, a [...]

Leah Wescott, Editor-in-Chief of the new satirical blog the Cronk of Higher Education held a press conference Saturday to offer congratulations to Ashton Kutcher following a 2-month-long Twitter competition. As photographers snapped pictures, Wescott let her emotions show. Wiping a tear, she set aside her written script. “We’re just a bunch of hacks, trying to [...]

CronkNews.com has challenged its staff, through manipulation, threats and temper tantrums, to improve social networking. The goal: to attract 100 Twitter followers before Ashton Kutcher recruits 4 million. Results so far: 09/17/09 Competition Start Date ____________ 09/19/09 Latest Tally _________ Kutcher Followers 3,548,800 3,621,866 CronkNews Followers 39 47 Kutcher seems to be underachieving, with his [...]

by Leah Wescott Editor-in-Chief Op Ed When CronkNews went to press this week, Ashton Kutcher had 3,548,800 Twitter Followers and CronkNews had 39. Unacceptable, staffers! Our media team is working its butts off to build readership for our beloved satirical rag, but our Twitter numbers look like s**t. Don’t get me started on our 8 [...]

Richie Michanel, a sophomore from Grover Cleveland Tech in Michigan, set out last week to set the American record for the number of consecutive hours spent playing the popular computer game World of Warcraft (WoW). While he fell asleep after forty-two hours of continuous play – well short of the record, Michanel didn’t realize his [...]