Campus Black History Month programs have begun, and white college presidents are passionately supporting the diversity celebrations through the age-old art of story telling. Inspiring excerpts include: “…When I was in college, I played varsity squash and there were two black guys on my team. We sometimes rode the bus together, and it taught me [...]

by Joel Pettigrew Freelance Writer This past weekend saw diversity disaster strike at the annual Vice President’s Diversity Retreat at Great Forest State Park in Colorado. The retreat, sponsored by Two Hills University, was coordinated this year by Alex Grey, a second-year master’s student. The retreat itself was running smoothly until lunch on the second [...]

White college personnel from across the country have sighed in collective relief, as Dr. Laura Schlessinger faces harsh criticism from liberals and conservatives alike following her recent use of racial epithets on her radio talk show. “We were getting a little nervous,” said an anonymous university human resources director. “We haven’t hired a person of [...]

by Matthew Michael Freelance Writer In his first official act as Euphoria State University’s president, Dr. Geoffrey Sumner has released the institution’s most diverse diversity statement ever. The statement—which finishes at 1,253 words—begins in English but navigates through Yiddish, Ebonics, and Spanish before ending with a flourish of Texting Slang. “IMHO, ESU haz2 M-Brace diver$iT [...]

The American College Admissions Brochure Producers won the prestigious International Multicultural Peace Prize yesterday for promoting an idealistic vision of university life in the United States. “It’s amazing to be recognized for something we often do without thought,” said Sara Griere, marketing director for Thousand Islands University. “But when we say to photographers ‘Get us [...]

News from the 2010 American College Personnel Association (ACPA) annual conference in Boston is troubling. Many fear that the national organization for college student affairs administrators will have to increase security measures at future conventions. “We’re not sure how it happened,” said an ACPA representative, “but somehow a Republican was able to register for the [...]

Academics critical of Chris Matthews, whose post-State of the Union remarks that he “forgot [Obama] was black” caused ripples of controversy, have seen an opportunity to make money while improving sensitivity about issues of race. “I’ve suggested to Mr. Matthews that he practice silently repeating a cultural mantra whenever talking to someone with minority status,” [...]

Immediate Opening Winchester Tech, Vermont Description Winchester Tech, a gorgeous 4-year coeducational university, seeks a Token Search Committee Member in order to represent the rich diversity we value on our campus. The successful Token will provide relief for our stretched-too-thin staff members of color who have started whispering about feeling used for their minority status. [...]

Ruth-Anne O’Malley, chief of campus police at Thurgood Marshall University, received the 2009 Presidential Tolerance Award from the National Administrative Advocates of Political Correctness (NAAPC). The award honors an administrator who has proven loyalty and tolerance to a college president who is also a boob. In return, the president can take credit for having played [...]

After years of painstaking research, a team of mathematicians from Cal Tech and MIT have found definitive proof that diversity is indeed a number. Sixteen. “We have finally put and end to the ongoing debate between social scientists and real science,” said team leader Hassan Patel, chair of MIT’s Department of Hard Sciences. “Our research [...]