by Erica Price Freelance Writer All eyes were on Philadelphia University today as a new sculpture was dedicated just outside of the School of Business Administration. Current students, faculty, alumni and friends of the business school gathered to honor Stephen Spinelli, President of Philadelphia University and co-founder of the Jiffy Lube auto service company. On [...]

by Irma Pelt Senior Staff Writer The University of California Berkeley announced last week that it would offer optional DNA testing to its incoming class. Citing health benefits of the intended research, UC Berkeley administrators defended the opportunity as providing opportunities for better health. On the heels of UC Berkeley’s announcement, Gingerich State College mailed [...]

by Earl J. Liffey Freelance Writer Bernie Stelsky, Professor of Western European History at Blanton College, has come up with a truly revolutionary way to go green. Instead of asking students to buy books or print texts from a computer, Bernie is encouraging students to utilize the local resource of booksellers to read. “One day [...]

by Irma Pelt Senior Staff Writer Investigators seized documents from the Office of the Chancellor at Cagan College last week after receiving an inside tip of a cosmetic cover-up. Using funding from both the state and private donors, Cagan College completed extensive renovations of its thirteen campus buildings during the past year. Summer Gustafson, lead [...]

by Tweed Walters and Leah Wescott He may be college football’s most controversial coach. He follows his heart, plays with passion and has a smokin’ hot wife. Who better to play Cupid this holiday weekend? We bring you… Lane Kiffin’s 5 Tips for a Fantastic Valentine’s Day 1) Pick a sweetheart for Valentine’s Day. Say [...]

Computer science major Todd “Java Juice” Edwards started to suspect something was up this week, when his fraternity brothers from Pi Lambda Rho neglected to tell him about an important tradition called “Kegger Fridays.” “I’m not sure anything is wrong,” said Edwards (nicknamed “Java Juice” by his big brother Frank “Frickin’ Dumb Ass” Douman). “After [...]

Students at Smoky Mountain College have reported that Professor MacKlenner is a little too emo for her own good lately. “It started with her telling stories about her divorce during class,” said junior Walter Ahnor, a student in Professor MacKlennor’s History of the Novel seminar. “Now she wants to be Facebook friends so we have [...]

Despite years of colleagues’ eye rolling, Professor Graham Thompson still ranks among the most popular faculty members on campus. “Dr. Thompson is awesome,” says sophomore Timmy Gordon. “I’ve been at his house for a ‘wine tasting,’ and his ex-wife was totally hot. I heard she was his student once. Super hot!” “He always stays late [...]

As predicted, Indiana University’s decision to induct Bobby Knight into its athletic hall of fame has brought mixed reactions and accusations of hypocrisy. IU has responded with an innovative creation: The H2Onor Code. “The H2Onor Code is a watered down version of our current code of conduct,” explained IU spokesman Chester Gorney. “We use bold [...]