by Hannah Q. Scott Freelance Writer Jennifer Lane, a residence hall director in her first year at Savoy College, had her contract terminated upon returning from this year’s National Association of Student Personnel Administrators’ conference (NASPA). According to Carlos Beals, director of residence life, “Jennifer did not exhibit the type of role modeling behavior that [...]

Doctors have finally verified claims that the College of Madison performed the fastest soulectomy in higher education history. “We couldn’t believe the soulectomy could be completed in less than two days,” said Dr. Rachel O’Quinn. “But all evidence points to verification.” According to the medical records, Dr. Juliette Mecum arrived for her first day of [...]

by AJ Marshfield Freelance Writer In an unprecedented example of how college is not exactly like the movies, 19-year-old Nancy Whittaker has discovered she is not best friends with her college roommate, Morgan McDaniels. “It’s nothing at all like ‘Felicity’ or even Van Wilder…it’s like we don’t even talk,” said Whittaker, while filling out a [...]

by Irma Pelt Senior Staff Writer A former dean at St. John’s University, Cecilia Chang, was fired for forcing students to do personal chores under the pretense of fulfilling their scholarship requirement. Chang, who was dean of St. John’s Institute of Asian Studies, faces harsh accusations from several international students who were recipients of a [...]

by Irma Pelt Senior Staff Writer A class action lawsuit filed in Wisconsin by the freshman class at Poltzer State College alleges that incoming students were intentionally misled by the university during an overnight orientation program in June. Orientation, of which there are sixteen sessions, is a flagship opportunity for the university to connect with [...]

by Brody Truce Senior Staff Writer After nearly 35 years of service, Myrtle White was dismissed from her position as residence hall custodian on grounds of incivility towards students on the third floor of Watson Hall, a co-ed floor housing 42 students at Eastern Maryland College. According to residents of the floor, Miss White—lovingly referred [...]

Grandfield University freshman Beverly Joinder filed a lawsuit against the school last week, claiming GU professors had failed to disclose all of the requirements of their classes. “I paid a lot of money for a GU degree,” said Joinder in her press conference. “That piece of paper is costing my family a ton, and now [...]

Counseling services across the country have seen a spike in client numbers as supervisory staff at universities wrap up their hiring for the 2009-10 academic year. “During interviews, everything is perfect,” sighed Linmouth University director of housing Alphonse Ruggles. “When candidates ask me about my leadership style, I know I’m the most visionary and supportive [...]