By Brody K. Truce
Senior Staff Writer

Fountain Hills College, renowned for publishing the nation’s most extensive student policy handbook, announced this week that it would ban men’s rugby matches. The announcement cited a yet unpublished policy surrounding flagrant public instances of homoeroticism.

The policy, one of fifteen new edicts to be announced in September, bans “any acts of public homoeroticism, either purposeful or accidental.” Sources at Fountain Hills College report that the policy was sparked after a pre-season rugby match against a rival school.

“It’s monsoon season in Arizona, so there was a lot of rain…and mud,” said Dr. Bonnie Mendoza, Dean of Students. “Accidental or not, there was a lot of male-on-male touching, lots of wet clothing and a good deal of grunting. Most civilized people would agree that this sort of behavior conjures images. Gay images.”

• Also slated for banning under the new policy:
• Male Square Dancing
• Sunday football parties
• Urinals less than 10 inches apart
• Men wearing Hello Kitty watches
• Men’s Capri pants
• Two men jogging together in short shorts

Students are poised to protest when the 2010 student policy handbook is published in September. Interestingly, this policy is the first to unanimously unite the campus’s gay students and rugby team.

by ZackFord
Freelance Writer

We sent ZackFord on an assignment to go back in time and reveal what might have been in the über-close June 28 vote by the Supreme Court. Here are his findings:

In a groundbreaking decision this week, the United States Supreme Court has ruled that nondiscrimination policies at American public universities are unconstitutional.

In a 5-4 decision for a case named Christian Legal Society v. Martinez, the court ruled in favor of the Christian student group, arguing that Hastings College of Law was violating students’ freedom of expression when it refused to recognize the group for its discrimination against “gay” and non-Christian students.

Writing for the majority, Justice Samuel Alito wrote that “there must be freedom for expression that offends prevailing standards of political correctness in our country’s institutions of higher learning,” adding that nondiscrimination policies have been “a handy weapon for suppressing the speech of unpopular groups.”

In a concurring opinion, Justice Clarence Thomas offered that “the most important precedent in our institutions of higher learning is to ensure that one small population of students with a particular religious belief can determine the campus’s climate for everyone and enjoy the university’s endorsement for that belief.”

The decision has immediate impact on all public universities. There is already chatter that many student groups are forming new alliances with religious organizations. Their hope is to use this new protection to prevent infiltration by imposter students seeking to undo the missions of their organizations, a problem that has plagued student groups for decades.

“All college students, including religious students, should have the right to form groups around shared beliefs without being banished from campus,” said Kim Colby, senior counsel at the Christian Legal Society’s Center for Law & Religious Freedom.

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg argued in the dissent that no First Amendment rights had been violated, but the majority opinion points out that nondiscrimination policies, in fact, endorse viewpoint discrimination by forbidding groups like the Christian Legal Society from refusing members whose identities they believe to be abhorrent.

This decision raises new complications for Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan, who is defending her actions as Dean of Harvard Law School regarding allowing military recruiters. She has condemned the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy as “unwise” and “unjust,” but admits this week’s decision changes things. “Nondiscrimination policies are now unconstitutional,” she testified. “It’s settled law.”

A press release from the Ku Klux Klan in response to the decision indicated optimism that the group’s values might finally see “the prominence and support they deserve” on college campuses. Representatives from various HBCUs could not be reached for comment.

By Juan Hues
Freelance Writer

As reported in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, students at Lindenwood University in Missouri were recently denied the opportunity to start a Gay/Straight Alliance on campus. According to university spokesman Scott Queen, the request for a special organization was denied because it was seen as “rather parochial and self-serving. It doesn’t offer a benefit to the campus community.”

Instead students were encouraged to include other marginalized students on campus to make them feel more included. Administrators believe that the alliance should “deal with race, religion, sexual orientation and other issues that face frequent scrutiny.”

Averry Smite a student noted, “I think we should just do what the university says. I mean I’m just a black gay man in a wheel chair. What do I know about oppression?”

Students will not be able to include the terms sexual orientation or gay in their mission statement or club name. Other student groups will also have to change their names to reflect an all encompassing inclusive attitude for all. To help, administrators submitted a list of approved names for student groups which include:

• United Atheists in Thought will now be known as Atheists for Christ and Christian Teachings
• The Frisbee Alliance will now be known as Frisbee, Hacky Sack, Wheel Chair Basketball and Juggling Club
• Latin American Student Organization will now be known as American Students Club
• The Multicultural Student Forum will now be known as Students for Assimilation
• Students for Choice will now be known as Students for Fetus Rights
• College Republicans will now be known as Republicans, Democrats, Greens, & Socialists for United Government

In the midst of controversy about the effectiveness of the National Survey of Student Engagement (NSSE), it may be noteworthy to measure what topics do engage students.

At Blackwater College in Tennessee, popular writing professor Dr. Starkey is the number one topic of conversation among 78% of his students.

Over 85% of his students have walked back from class asking, “Did you see Dr. Starkey’s sweater? I don’t know – do you think he’s gay?”

15.5% of students have queried in late-night dorm conversations, “Have you seen how much Dr. Starkey hangs out with Miss Chang from anthropology? Do you think they’re dating? I could have sworn he was gay.”

22% of study groups for Dr. Starkey’s class have indicated a reduction of productivity when someone inevitably says, “Dr. Starkey has an autographed picture of Kathy Griffin in his office, but he also said he watched Monday Night Football last week. What do you think it means?”

When asked for a comment, Dr. Starkey smiled.

Morehouse College in Atlanta has instituted a dress code banning attire that could be construed as unprofessional or gay-friendly. According to CNN.com, Morehouse’s VP for Student Services, Dr. William Bynum explained “the policy comes from the vision of the college’s president, who wants the institution to create leaders like notable graduates… Samuel L. Jackson and Spike Lee.”

We hope Dr. Bynum will jump on the Jackson/Lee fashion train to set a good example for his undergrads.

First step: Add lots of purple velvet suits to your fall wardrobe. The rich vibrant colors make a clearly hetero statement, and the texture feels great on your rough manly hands. Add a crocheted beret, and you’ve got that “I’m a leader” vibe the Morehouse prez loves so much!

When you just want to chill, Dr. Bynum, try Spike’s baggy-but-not-too-baggy jeans, topped with a baseball cap that says “I’m not dissin’, I just like my team.”

Some of our staff think that Spike Lee is a role model even if he wears baggy jeans, but don't worry Dr. Bynum, the rest of us know that's just silly.

Samuel L. Jackson and Spike Lee show off the fall fashion trends for Morehouse College students. Nothing says anti-gay and leadership like purple velvet pants!