By Juan Hues
Staff Writer

As reported in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, students at Lindenwood University in Missouri were recently denied the opportunity to start a Gay/Straight Alliance on campus. According to university spokesman Scott Queen, the request for a special organization was denied because it was seen as “rather parochial and self-serving. It doesn’t offer a benefit to the campus community.”

Instead students were encouraged to include other marginalized students on campus to make them feel more included. Administrators believe that the alliance should “deal with race, religion, sexual orientation and other issues that face frequent scrutiny.”

Averry Smite a student noted, “I think we should just do what the university says. I mean I’m just a black gay man in a wheel chair. What do I know about oppression?”

Students will not be able to include the terms sexual orientation or gay in their mission statement or club name. Other student groups will also have to change their names to reflect an all encompassing inclusive attitude for all. To help, administrators submitted a list of approved names for student groups which include:

• United Atheists in Thought will now be known as Atheists for Christ and Christian Teachings
• The Frisbee Alliance will now be known as Frisbee, Hacky Sack, Wheel Chair Basketball and Juggling Club
• Latin American Student Organization will now be known as American Students Club
• The Multicultural Student Forum will now be known as Students for Assimilation
• Students for Choice will now be known as Students for Fetus Rights
• College Republicans will now be known as Republicans, Democrats, Greens, & Socialists for United Government

In case you missed last week’s two-hour meeting of the Campus Collaboration Committee, we’ve posted a summary of events.

10:00 a.m.
Committee chair Marjorie Whiggins read the minutes from the previous CCC meeting.

10:10 a.m.
Ms. Whiggins praised all of the committee members for being so wonderful and collaborative.

10:15 a.m.
Whiggins gave thorough descriptions of all upcoming CCC events and provided in-depth analysis of all the work that would be necessary.

10:45 a.m.
Whiggins pulled out a book called The Collaborative Companion and read an inspirational chapter called “Synergy: The Magic of Group Collaboration.”

11:05 a.m.
Whiggins reminded everyone how important it is to collaborate and provided statistics that indicate group decision-making yields better results and buy-in.

11:10 a.m.
Whiggins looked at her watch and said, “I don’t have anything else. Does anyone have anything to add or could we go ahead and end the meeting now?”

11:11 a.m.
Whiggins thanked everyone for another super duper meeting and adjourned.