Divoire University announced a historic change this week when it announced a new name: Divoire Multiversity. “I had never considered making the change,” said Divoire President Richard C. Clavin, “but our Committee for Proper Language was very convincing in its argument to move to a more positive, inclusive name.” “We started by analyzing the word [...]

by Joel Pettigrew Freelance Writer This past weekend saw diversity disaster strike at the annual Vice President’s Diversity Retreat at Great Forest State Park in Colorado. The retreat, sponsored by Two Hills University, was coordinated this year by Alex Grey, a second-year master’s student. The retreat itself was running smoothly until lunch on the second [...]

White college personnel from across the country have sighed in collective relief, as Dr. Laura Schlessinger faces harsh criticism from liberals and conservatives alike following her recent use of racial epithets on her radio talk show. “We were getting a little nervous,” said an anonymous university human resources director. “We haven’t hired a person of [...]

by Matthew Michael Freelance Writer In his first official act as Euphoria State University’s president, Dr. Geoffrey Sumner has released the institution’s most diverse diversity statement ever. The statement—which finishes at 1,253 words—begins in English but navigates through Yiddish, Ebonics, and Spanish before ending with a flourish of Texting Slang. “IMHO, ESU haz2 M-Brace diver$iT [...]

To: All the staff I supervise From: Heather O’Houlihan, Associate Dean of Administrative Services Re: Prohibited Christmas holiday time-of-year activities I just wanted to send my gentle annual reminder of banned behavior during this “special” time of year. Some people celebrate certain “things” or “events” in their private lives, but we must all remember to [...]