The Cronk of Higher Education

Math Department Ordered to Eliminate Homework “Problems”

Posted on Monday, July 26th 2010
Tags: correctness, counseling, millennial, PC Police Log, political, psychology
Math Department Ordered to Eliminate Homework “Problems”
After a months-long crusade, director of counseling services Whitney Crissman has successfully convinced Stowe College to set a new, more positive trend in math education. “Instead of doing math ‘problems,’” said Crissman, “students will now complete math ‘challenges.’ We counselors are always looking for innovative ways to make academic life more positive, and we found [...]

Gen-X Mom Leaves Son\’s Graduation in Blaze of Glory

Posted on Wednesday, June 16th 2010
Tags: gap, Generation X, helicopter, millennial, mom, parent
Gen-X Mom Leaves Son\’s Graduation in Blaze of Glory
by Erica Price Freelance Writer Emergency personnel are being honored today at Central Indiana College for quick aid of an injured student at its annual commencement ceremony. John Sears, 21, is resting comfortably in an undisclosed location after sustaining injuries in a fall from the stage as he was about to accept his degree. On [...]

Popular Administrator Ousted by Entry-Level Candidate in Foursquare Coup

Posted on Friday, May 14th 2010
Tags: generation gap, interview, job search, millennial, twitter
Popular Administrator Ousted by Entry-Level Candidate in Foursquare Coup
by Aloysius St. Bernard Freelance Writer In an unexpected move last Thursday, residence hall director candidate John Hanson declared himself the new director of residence life at Peyton Randolph University, ousting Dr. Henry Laurens, who had served the small liberal arts college for twelve years. The coup marked a symbolic changing of the guard from [...]

Professor Eaten by Student\’s Enormous Ego

Posted on Friday, May 7th 2010
Tags: college, ego, millennial, narcissism, student
Professor Eaten by Student\’s Enormous Ego
In what was first thought a tragic mauling incident in the College of Ignatius zoology labs, investigators are now seriously considering the possibility of a rare case of egogurgitation. “It appears that Professor H. Glenn Marks was engulfed by a student’s enormous ego,” said Crooks County forensic examiner Bucky Chalk. “The last person who saw [...]

Mime Upsets Students: Staff Member Held Responsible

Posted on Friday, April 30th 2010
Tags: helicopter, millennial, mom, parent, PC Police Log, political correctness
Mime Upsets Students: Staff Member Held Responsible
by Dash Phillips Freelance Writer The Director of Student Programs and Services Leigh Rhenquist at Bell College in Carthage, New York was censured this week because a mime created a disturbance on campus. As the College kicked off its annual “Expressive Arts Week” a mime began his performance in the dining hall. When the mime [...]

Millennial Sheetcakes Bankrupt Recognition Banquet

Posted on Monday, April 19th 2010
Tags: awards, generational, millennial, recognition, rewards
Millennial Sheetcakes Bankrupt Recognition Banquet
by Irma Pelt Senior Staff Writer The Office of Student Engagement at Malple College submitted an emergency funding request to the state legislature for their annual awards banquet in May. “I had it all figured out,” said Dora Creamer, Coordinator of Student Engagement. “My grad and I crunched the numbers over and over again to [...]

NCAA Predicted to Adopt Entitle IX So Every Player Can Start

Posted on Monday, April 5th 2010
Tags: bench, entitlement, march madness, millennial, NCAA, parents, starters, starting
NCAA Predicted to Adopt Entitle IX So Every Player Can Start
In a March Madness season full of upsets and dramatic underdog stories, the NCAA thinks the time might be right to consider a rule change that would democratize team sports. “What we’re proposing is a waiver of the ‘Too Many Players on the Field’ rule at the beginning of each game,” explained an NCAA spokeswoman. [...]

College Fair Draws 3000 Parents, No Prospective Students

Posted on Wednesday, March 24th 2010
Tags: admissions, applications, college fair, helicopter, millennial, parent
College Fair Draws 3000 Parents, No Prospective Students
by Irma Voigt Senior Staff Writer A college fair held on the campus of Severeid University drew more than 100 colleges and universities hoping to put their marketing materials in the hands of prospective students. But no students attended the fair, according to organizers. "I'm just as surprised as anyone else," said Josie Bowers, Assistant [...]

ACPA Employer Accidentally Reveals E-Portfolios As Annoyance Test

Posted on Saturday, March 20th 2010
Tags: acpa, candidate, career central, e-portfolio, millennial, placement, resume, tpe
ACPA Employer Accidentally Reveals E-Portfolios As Annoyance Test
Breaking a sacred confidentiality vow, an employer at the recent American College Personnel Association placement conference “Career Central” accidentally slipped the real use of candidate portfolios. “A candidate brought a laptop with her to her interview so she could show me her e-portfolio,” explained the employer. “By the thirtieth page, I couldn’t hold back and [...]

University Improves US Student Performance through Entitlement-Based Grading

Posted on Monday, January 11th 2010
Tags: american, college, entitlement, gen y, GPA, grades, helicopter, millennial, negotiating, parents, privilege, students
University Improves US Student Performance through Entitlement-Based Grading
In response to a recent Inside Higher Ed article about American students’ expectation of receiving high grades for sub-par work, some for-profit universities see an opportunity to provide a higher level of customer service than their non-profit competitors. “We have designed a graduated tuition structure,” explained Dr. Robby Leach, president of Colton College, a new [...]
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