Divoire University announced a historic change this week when it announced a new name: Divoire Multiversity. “I had never considered making the change,” said Divoire President Richard C. Clavin, “but our Committee for Proper Language was very convincing in its argument to move to a more positive, inclusive name.” “We started by analyzing the word [...]

Campus Black History Month programs have begun, and white college presidents are passionately supporting the diversity celebrations through the age-old art of story telling. Inspiring excerpts include: “…When I was in college, I played varsity squash and there were two black guys on my team. We sometimes rode the bus together, and it taught me [...]

by Matthew Michael Freelance Writer In his first official act as Euphoria State University’s president, Dr. Geoffrey Sumner has released the institution’s most diverse diversity statement ever. The statement—which finishes at 1,253 words—begins in English but navigates through Yiddish, Ebonics, and Spanish before ending with a flourish of Texting Slang. “IMHO, ESU haz2 M-Brace diver$iT [...]

The American College Admissions Brochure Producers won the prestigious International Multicultural Peace Prize yesterday for promoting an idealistic vision of university life in the United States. “It’s amazing to be recognized for something we often do without thought,” said Sara Griere, marketing director for Thousand Islands University. “But when we say to photographers ‘Get us [...]

by Dash Phillips Freelance Rutherford University received top honors at the annual meeting of the Housing Officers Association Knowledge and Education Exchange (HOAKEE) for its innovative residence hall programming. Colleges and universities around the United States are invited to compete for the “Most Innovative Residence Hall Program” by submitting elaborate documentation demonstrating outstanding efforts. Rutherford [...]

News from the 2010 American College Personnel Association (ACPA) annual conference in Boston is troubling. Many fear that the national organization for college student affairs administrators will have to increase security measures at future conventions. “We’re not sure how it happened,” said an ACPA representative, “but somehow a Republican was able to register for the [...]

Immediate Opening Winchester Tech, Vermont Description Winchester Tech, a gorgeous 4-year coeducational university, seeks a Token Search Committee Member in order to represent the rich diversity we value on our campus. The successful Token will provide relief for our stretched-too-thin staff members of color who have started whispering about feeling used for their minority status. [...]

Ruth-Anne O’Malley, chief of campus police at Thurgood Marshall University, received the 2009 Presidential Tolerance Award from the National Administrative Advocates of Political Correctness (NAAPC). The award honors an administrator who has proven loyalty and tolerance to a college president who is also a boob. In return, the president can take credit for having played [...]

After years of painstaking research, a team of mathematicians from Cal Tech and MIT have found definitive proof that diversity is indeed a number. Sixteen. “We have finally put and end to the ongoing debate between social scientists and real science,” said team leader Hassan Patel, chair of MIT’s Department of Hard Sciences. “Our research [...]

After several years of warnings, the NCAA has taken action against colleges that replaced culturally insensitive college mascots with what have been deemed “idiotic replacements” by the impatient athletics organization. The first institution slapped with a reprimand was Shippensburg University in rural PA, which made the decision to change its “Red Raider” mascot from an [...]