by Leah Wescott (as inspired by TJ Willis) As shortages in the global supply of helium reach crisis level, industries varied as science labs and party stores have faces budget pressures and strict rationing. Now the depletion has devestated university orientation staffs. “After we realized how much time our orientation leaders spent blowing up and [...]

by Diana Senechal Roanoke, Virginia—For the first time in its 200-year history, Longvine University has invited its incoming freshmen to a week-long pre-orientation orientation. “We found that many students were bewildered by the activities at the September orientation,” explained Evelyn Straw, director of student affairs. “They hadn’t seen anything quite like it, even with all [...]

by Brody K. Truce Senior Staff Writer On the heels of four years of negative feedback about student orientation, the Office of Student Orientation at The College of Eastern Nevada took an unusual departure from their normal agenda this year. “Times have changed and our students don’t want to sit through hours of presentations about [...]

by Brody Truce Senior Staff Writer Student affairs staff at Danberry Quaker College in Plymouth Meeting, PA scrapped their freshman orientation plan this week after a revelation from Jesus Christ stating that he was “disappointed” in the college’s orientation theme. The revelation occurred during the weekly all-college Quaker prayer meeting, in which faculty and staff [...]

by Lawrence Butzen and Bitsy Carmichael Freelance Writers Turns Out Honesty May Be the Best Policy New students and their families were astonished at their experience during Lave College’s summer orientation program. While most schools spend their time following best practices and seeking a “standard of perfection” in their programs, Lave’s approach to customer service [...]

by Irma Pelt Senior Staff Writer A class action lawsuit filed in Wisconsin by the freshman class at Poltzer State College alleges that incoming students were intentionally misled by the university during an overnight orientation program in June. Orientation, of which there are sixteen sessions, is a flagship opportunity for the university to connect with [...]

by Brody Truce Senior Staff Writer Name games have long been a staple of freshman orientation programs at colleges around the country. In the past few decades, these games have changed very little and no research has been done to determine their effectiveness. Misty Koran, a PhD candidate in higher education at The College of [...]

2010 marked a dramatic change in men’s skating fashion, as sequins and sparkly unitards took center stage at the Vancouver Olympics. Fashion-forward skaters like Johnny Weir have changed the face of bling-sewn spandex. Costumes bedazzled from head to toe are now the minimum expectation for skaters competing at the highest level. Unfortunately, the change has [...]

Emma Watson, the actress best known for portraying nerd witch Hermione Grainger in the Harry Potter movie series, successfully completed freshman orientation at Brown University in Providence, RI this fall. Ever since, rumors about the brainy actress’s activities at the Ivy League school have swirled through the blogosphere. “We heard she played an M&M game [...]

Greg Ellison made a fool of himself by acting too cool at his freshman orientation at Meadowlands Community College last week. “We couldn’t believe he was such an a—–e,” said Greg’s orientation leader Debbie Wantanoh.” He muttered under his breath and acted like a jerk when we made him to join hands in our human [...]