by Jeremy Sly Freelance Writer Residents of South Baton Hall, located on the campus of Breslin University, were shocked Wednesday when they came home from classes to see find that their one-time residence hall was now a “dorm.” Originally a facility that enhanced student development by means of building a sense of community and ensuring [...]

by Matthew Michael Freelance Writer In his first official act as Euphoria State University’s president, Dr. Geoffrey Sumner has released the institution’s most diverse diversity statement ever. The statement—which finishes at 1,253 words—begins in English but navigates through Yiddish, Ebonics, and Spanish before ending with a flourish of Texting Slang. “IMHO, ESU haz2 M-Brace diver$iT [...]

After a months-long crusade, director of counseling services Whitney Crissman has successfully convinced Stowe College to set a new, more positive trend in math education. “Instead of doing math ‘problems,’” said Crissman, “students will now complete math ‘challenges.’ We counselors are always looking for innovative ways to make academic life more positive, and we found [...]

by Erica Price Freelance Writer Simon Astler of Dixie College has earned infamy as the first entry-level housing professional to have his membership revoked by the National Association of Residence Halls International (NARH-I) following a high profile disciplinary case on campus. Astler was featured in a photograph, unshaven and bleary-eyed, on the front page of [...]

by Dash Phillips Freelance Writer The Director of Student Programs and Services Leigh Rhenquist at Bell College in Carthage, New York was censured this week because a mime created a disturbance on campus. As the College kicked off its annual “Expressive Arts Week” a mime began his performance in the dining hall. When the mime [...]

To: All the staff I supervise From: Heather O’Houlihan, Associate Dean of Administrative Services Re: Prohibited Christmas holiday time-of-year activities I just wanted to send my gentle annual reminder of banned behavior during this “special” time of year. Some people celebrate certain “things” or “events” in their private lives, but we must all remember to [...]

Ruth-Anne O’Malley, chief of campus police at Thurgood Marshall University, received the 2009 Presidential Tolerance Award from the National Administrative Advocates of Political Correctness (NAAPC). The award honors an administrator who has proven loyalty and tolerance to a college president who is also a boob. In return, the president can take credit for having played [...]

After years of painstaking research, a team of mathematicians from Cal Tech and MIT have found definitive proof that diversity is indeed a number. Sixteen. “We have finally put and end to the ongoing debate between social scientists and real science,” said team leader Hassan Patel, chair of MIT’s Department of Hard Sciences. “Our research [...]

After several years of warnings, the NCAA has taken action against colleges that replaced culturally insensitive college mascots with what have been deemed “idiotic replacements” by the impatient athletics organization. The first institution slapped with a reprimand was Shippensburg University in rural PA, which made the decision to change its “Red Raider” mascot from an [...]