Fortuitously timed after critics’ response to Tufts University’s new policy forbidding residential students from having sexual intercourse with a roommate present, the University has built a state-of-the-art rooftop garden on top of the Tisch Library. “Why would I want to have sex in my room when I can make out on top of the library?” [...]

Starting next week, students at the North Dakota College of Pre Med will enforce its new safety-related “No Pants, No Underwear” dress code. “We read about the controversial new ban on face coverings at the Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Science and we knew we could take things to the next level,” said chief [...]

by Brody Truce Staff Writer This week, Fountain Hills College administrators released the first ever “Policy on Policies” in their newly published 2010 student policy handbook. Dr. Bonnie Mendoza, Dean of Students, is especially proud of the College’s new policy. “We found that some students weren’t taking all of our policies seriously. We believe that [...]

by Irma Voigt Staff Writer A Resident Assistant at Southern Kentucky University took her job responsibilities too far during exam week, according to a press release from the University’s Office of Student Conduct. “While studying for finals at our local Starbucks, the Resident Assistant became enraged at the noise generated by other patrons. She issued [...]

by Irma Voigt Staff Reporter Nixon University announced Thursday its plan to implement a beauty requirement for graduating seniors. “The faculty overwhelmingly showed concern regarding the superficial appearance of students, particularly those that may go on to serve in alumni association leadership roles or even just wear their Nixon hoodies to the grocery store,” said [...]

Following the refusal of Maryland’s state university system to comply with legislation mandating that each state college develop a porn policy, the University of Maryland assumed it had sealed its place in the Shock Value Hall of Fame. Unfortunately, their timing couldn’t have been worse. One member of the Board of Regents reflected, “Just when [...]

Miami University residents breathed a sigh of relief this week when a two-day manhunt revealed that missing student Brendan Schotz was not dead or abducted. “The kid doesn’t have a cell phone,” said local police chief Tyler Gomez-Hernandez. “His roommate alerted us when he didn’t receive any texts from his roomie after Brendan went home [...]

University Hospital at Green Mountain State in Maine is treating Resident Assistant Trent Vonder for a rare psychological disorder called merged personality dysfunction. During his first two weeks on the RA job, Trent began to manifest the personality of television icon Barney Fife. “We had some early concerns during staff training,” said hall director Carmella [...]

Elated by Tufts University’s announcement of a new policy forbidding students in college housing from having intercourse while a roommate is present, other institutions have followed suit by making rules that will protect the fragile millennial generation from having to deal with real-life conflicts. Most recent policies include: St. Libertine College has forbidden crunching potato [...]

Riding on the momentum of its announcement that it might ban Twittering from the stands at its athletic events, the Southeastern Conference is now brainstorming other ways to make sure home viewers tune in to the televised games. “If we can control leaked Tweets, perhaps we can take things to the next level and ban [...]