Position: Career Counselor Nash College Department of Careers Services Description Nash College believes that career development is a life-long process. We seek to empower students to see college as only the beginning of their never-ending search for a fulfilling career. Requirements The successful candidate must have multiple degrees (completed or uncompleted) in unrelated academic disciplines. [...]

After whispers of questionable hiring practices surfaced last week at the main office of the Cronk of Higher Education, CronkNews.com was able to obtain a leaked copy of successful candidate Erica Price’s letter of applications. Known as “EricaPriceCronk” on Twitter.com, Price seems to have offered a substantial bribe to editor Leah Wescott in return for [...]

Professor Emeritus of Life LessonsWilliam C. Jefferson School of DiplomacyDubois University, Arkansas Opening for Fall 2010 Description Will teach the theory and philosophy of successful rebounds from epic failures. Modeled after Elliot Spitzer’s position at City College of New York and the recent Washington & Lee speaking engagement conducted by humiliated New York Times ex-journalist [...]

Immediate Opening Francis Bacon University Description Seeking clearly dysfunctional professional to challenge our administrative executives. Examples of dysfunctions could include verbal abusiveness, egregious incompetence or predilection for explosive temper tantrums. Qualifications Successful candidate will be married to beloved campus professional who might resign if spouse is held accountable for terrible behavior. Perks Consistently poor enough [...]

Submitted by Brody Truce, Staff Writer Spring Opening Penbrooke State University, VA Description The Penbrooke State University Office of Public Safety is currently seeking highly qualified law enforcement professionals—or dudes who like to ride bikes—for an exciting new career in campus safety. Requirements Ability to pedal required. Actual law enforcement experience optional. Clean criminal background [...]

Immediate Opening Indianaville University, IN Description In an effort to reduce our personnel budget expenditures, Indianaville University seeks to hire several robot professors. This is an accelerated tenure-track position at a student-centered, teaching-centered institution. Will carry double the full-time course load in field of expertise. Requirements Terminal degree required. Teaching experience and passion optional. Must [...]