Campus authorities at St. Wesley’s College in Minnesota were put on alert when reports leaked out that sophomore Therese Biegler may have accidentally apologized for a mistake. According to reports, Therese was meeting with Professor Maggie Chrishnal and told the teacher that she took responsibility for her failure to fully research her thesis and proofread [...]

by Irma Pelt Senior Staff Writer Faced with cutting faculty and staff positions as a result of budget cuts, Melissa Olivares, human resources representative at Hardy University, attempted to bring levity to the termination process. “With all due respect, Melissa came to human resources after several years of working in student activities,” said Mitchell Bealor, [...]

Adams & Lee University has reinvented the work study job. In response to government pressure to address concerns that need-based student work study funds have not been used, the university tapped its creativity. “Our students are better than the cafeteria jobs they’ve been offered, and they know it,” said financial aid director Lamar Whardon. “They [...]

In what was first thought a tragic mauling incident in the College of Ignatius zoology labs, investigators are now seriously considering the possibility of a rare case of egogurgitation. “It appears that Professor H. Glenn Marks was engulfed by a student’s enormous ego,” said Crooks County forensic examiner Bucky Chalk. “The last person who saw [...]

by Irma Pelt Senior Staff Writer Several student organizations at Bottega College went all out to combine efforts this week to raise money for ongoing relief efforts in the wake of January’s earthquake in Haiti. Representatives from Education Without Borders, Students Offering Support, and Canadians at Bottega came together to plan the fundraiser. Pooling their [...]

Taking a lesson from the mantra of bitchy high school teachers who invoke the common “You’ll never get into college” threat, professors from across the country have begun to experiment with new varieties of the classic “You’ll never get a job” verbal assaults. Dubbing the threats “Neo-Modern Engagement Techniques,” they seek to engage students with [...]

After twenty-six years, Professor Arnold Naughton, Doctor of Zen Buddhism, broke what may be the longest streak of teaching without jadedness. Dr. Naughton said something “felt funny” in the middle of a lecture on spiritual openness when he stopped to tell sophomore Mindy Kalowski to stop texting. Later in the lecture, Naughton said he felt [...]

Cramer College continues to innovate in its effort to improve the low ratings it has received each year in the Chronicle of Higher Education’s employee satisfaction reports. Most recently, a consultant was brought in to get a better understanding of the motivations that drive excellent staff performance. “We learned quickly what was in the hearts [...]

by Irma Voigt Staff Writer Seven student leaders were arrested Saturday night after a brawl in uptown Maumee, Ohio over competing philanthropic events for earthquake relief in both Haiti and Chile. “We were at Founders’ Gate. We even reserved it through the Union scheduling lady,” said Ashley Orza, president of the Community Activists Club, a [...]

Denim “Denny” Hudson, treasurer of the Students in Socialism (SiS) at Herbertville University, was caught this week wearing deodorant. SiS leaders will meet Friday to determine whether to remove Hudson from his position. “I noticed Denny was wearing extra patchouli oil recently, but it never occurred to me that he trying to cover up his [...]