by Dash Phillips Freelance Writer A press release today from Whetstone College announced the appointment of Judge Judith Scheindlin as the College’s new Director of Judicial Affairs. “We did a national search and no one’s credentials compared to Judge Judy’s,” said Dr. Fluorine Gordonson, Vice President for Student Life, Affairs, and Services to the press [...]

by Henry Johansen III Freelance Writer Hailed by the executive administration as one of the best examples of cross-departmental staff collaboration, the University of Los Angeles staff association has been given unprecedented power to select the pastries and coffee at its own bi-monthly meetings. “This is a long time coming,” says association president Linda Halter. [...]

by Brody Truce Senior Staff Writer Last week, Arizona Governor Jan Brewer signed legislation that will allow law enforcement officers in her state to detain people suspected of being in the country illegally. While controversy erupts nationally over issues of civil rights, harassment and racial profiling, college students in Arizona are asking one important question: [...]

by Dash Phillips Freelance The Board of Trustees at Cracker Barrel College accepted today the recommendation of a Blue Ribbon Multicultural Panel to cancel the annual “Senior Luau” deeming the 75 year old tradition as “culturally insensitive.” Lara Martinson, Professor of Cultural Anthropology and Chair of the Blue Ribbon Panel praised the board’s decision. “The [...]

by Brody Truce Senior Staff Writer After nearly 35 years of service, Myrtle White was dismissed from her position as residence hall custodian on grounds of incivility towards students on the third floor of Watson Hall, a co-ed floor housing 42 students at Eastern Maryland College. According to residents of the floor, Miss White—lovingly referred [...]

Cyber-colleges, University of Falconer and Kapstone College, have begun recruitment for the first-ever online football league. Using an innovative scouting and training program, nine teams will join to form the NCAA’s Big Tech organization. The group was inspired by the unique Collegiate Sprint Football League, which pits small for-profit colleges against Ivy League competitors. The [...]

Professor Emeritus of Life LessonsWilliam C. Jefferson School of DiplomacyDubois University, Arkansas Opening for Fall 2010 Description Will teach the theory and philosophy of successful rebounds from epic failures. Modeled after Elliot Spitzer’s position at City College of New York and the recent Washington & Lee speaking engagement conducted by humiliated New York Times ex-journalist [...]

According to real-life admissions officers, here are the year’s most popular majors, as requested by high school seniors. 1. CSI – with a study abroad option at CSI Miami 2. Graphic Lit 3. Pre-dental sorority membership with extra teeth whitening 4. ROTC with World of Warcraft option 5. Nonfeminist Vampire Studies Think we’re exaggerating? Ask [...]

Following the refusal of Maryland’s state university system to comply with legislation mandating that each state college develop a porn policy, the University of Maryland assumed it had sealed its place in the Shock Value Hall of Fame. Unfortunately, their timing couldn’t have been worse. One member of the Board of Regents reflected, “Just when [...]

For seven consecutive days, the earth has inexplicably continued to spin, even after Northeastern University‘s announcement last Monday, November 23, that NU would terminate its football program. “According to modern astral-football theories, the world should have come to an end Tuesday morning,” said exhausted sports physicist Marcus Colton. “Our best hypothesis is that it has [...]