Theories Abound Regarding Disappearance of Nondescript Middle-America College

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by Anselmo Watkins
Freelance Writer

"People are starting to suspect foul play," said Meroyta's president. "The more likely truth is that the world just stopped believing in colleges."
“People are starting to suspect foul play,” said Meroyta’s president. “The more likely truth is that the world just stopped believing in colleges.”

Meroyta University, a 45-year-old 2,500-student commuter college in Amarillo, Texas, simply vanished into nothingness overnight leaving students, employees and neighbors confused and worried.

“This is not a case where the college is suffering from insolvency and shut down,” said now-apparently-former-Trustee “Big” Rich Rollings, a local oilman who graduated from the school in 1974. “It’s just gone. There is nothing here. I am at a loss to explain it.”

Police said that no one was apparently harmed in the disappearance of the commuter school. Meroyta seems to have occurred at approximately 4:00 a.m. Tuesday, according to the sole eyewitness.

“I had just finished mopping the floor of the Driscoll Science Building, put my mop away and was walking to my car to go home,” said Cleaning Services Floor Technician Mike Humphreys. “I lit up a cigarette, looked back and there was just nothing there. It was gone.”

The campus’s 24 buildings were all gone, replaced with a field of prairie grass. No signage or landscaping remained. No sign of violence to the ground existed to help investigators determine the cause of the disappearance.

Campus officials said that classes were cancelled for the remainder of the quarter, in as much as the college’s entire infrastructure was missing.

There was no shortage of opinions about the cause of the disappearance, running the gamut from alien activities to divine intervention.

“I guess that means that I didn’t need to do my math homework last night,” said Ted Bacsics, a fourth-year sophomore from nearby Pampa. “Hell, I guess I’ll just go back to stocking at the Toot ‘N Totem. This is weird, but life goes on.”

“It was clearly aliens,” said Lynn Grant, the Giorgio A. Tsoukalos distinguished professor of supernatural studies at Texas A&M University and author of the book. It Was Clearly Aliens, What Else Could It Be? “I mean, what else could it be? What else has the power to make a whole college disappear?”

Grant could not offer an explanation as to why aliens would want to take the school.

“Jesus Christ,” said Baptist Preacher Scott Howard Adam Mitchell of the 42nd Street Baptist Church. “Through His power and glory, that sinful institution of lust and ungodly education was wiped off of the map. We can only hope that His will will shine down on other dark holes of sin. I suggest He start with A&M, UT, or perhaps Baylor.”

When asked why the Lord God or his Son would single out a small commuter college in northwest Texas, Mitchell replied, “God works in mysterious ways.”

Edgar Buin, professor of Theoretical Philosophy who had taught off-and-on and Meroyta over the last few years, offered what many academicians thought was the most likely cause of the disappearance.

“Meroyta College has never been mentioned in The Chronicle of Higher Education, university news, or even The Cronk of Higher Education, until today,” he said. “It was a nondescript college in an afterthought town in a largely ignored part of the state in a region that the rest of the country flies over. It had no proud alumni, did nothing to make it stand out. Last night, the school just reached the point where it could not go on and simply ceased to exist. It was an existential cry for help, of sorts. But no one was here to hear it.”

Buin said he didn’t think that sudden recognition and attention would return the school to existence.

“It’s too late, I fear. The school has moved on to a higher plane. Hopefully it will find happiness there.”